Yesterday, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange released Santa Claus’ Naughty or Nice list. Amongst the most controversial public figures on the Naughty List were Jay-Z, the zookeeper who shot Harambe, and President-elect Donald Trump.
Trump responded to the news with a series of tweets condemning Santa Claus.
In the 68 tweets Trump wrote within two hours, Santa was referred to as a “loser,” “fraud,” “fat,” and “totally pathetic.” In one tweet, Trump asserted that “Being nice is overrated anyway. I mean, look at Mrs. Claus versus Melania. That’s what being nice gets you.”
Melania also made an appearance on the naughty list, and even held a press conference to salvage as much good will as possible before becoming first lady. “I am truly saddened by this news,” Melania stated, “If my husband and I are on the naughty list, Mr. Claus clearly doesn’t know us well enough.”
In hopes of entering Santa’s good graces, Melania concluded with a poem that she wrote herself. “You see us when we’re sleeping. You know when we’re awake. You know if we’ve been bad or good, so we will be good for goodness sake.”
After the tweet storm, Trump faced intense criticism for exacerbating the war on Christmas. Trump responded at a rally in North Carolina, saying this was another way in which the liberal media had twisted his words. “Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas," Trump assured the crowd. "Seriously, have you seen the Christmas tree in Trump Tower? It’s huge. Huge! Biggest in New York, even bigger than the one in Rockefeller Center. But Santa is a fraud—I mean, presents to every kid in the world in one night? Please! Believe me, it can’t happen. But Christmas is good. It’s the best.”
While his supporters originally weren’t thrilled with his denouncing of Santa Clause, he turned the crowd around by the end of the rally. “You know what I want for Christmas? A wall. And is Santa gonna make that happen? No. I am. Does that mean I’m better than Santa Claus? I don’t know, maybe.”
According to a poll conducted after the rally, Santa's approval rating has fallen to 27% among Trump supporters. As a result, there are expected to be a record number of Christians receiving coal this year, which may have been Mr Trump's plan all along.