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The Greatest New Year's Resolutions of 2017

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The Greatest New Year's Resolutions of 2017

Effortless Resolutions We Can All Get Behind

Roslin Wilhelm

1.10.17

The Greatest New Years Resolutions of 2017
Effortless Resolutions We Can All Get Behind

Statistically speaking—if you did make a new years’ resolution—I’m 92% certain your efforts are better spent on enjoyable things as opposed attempting to attain abdominals of atypical-six-pack-hottie in a random perfume commercial. It probably comes as no surprise that only 8% of Americans who set new year's resolutions, truly succeed. However, let’s not harp on failure. I vote we all make legitimate new year's resolutions that we can all attain with minimal effort….

The first and most commonly listed new year's resolution is to: Lose Weight.
How about we narrow that down a tad…

Proposal #1:
Perhaps instead of dicking around for another consecutive year, we can all attain a new form of exercise. An enjoyable form…perhaps of a certain red and or, white variety. I know, has a certain patriotism to it, right? Now all you need is a blue wine opener. I mean, some Queen somewhere drank wine everyday and lived a longgggg time so why not try it out for ourselves? Now that I have wine in hand, I may proceed with this article (don’t judge, it’s my vacation too).

The second most commonly listed new year's resolution is to: Get More Organized.

Okay, yeah I could do a little something like that…

Proposal #2:
I think organization is mainly based on simplification of what you have. That’s easy enough. I guess I’ll eliminate all of my folders for classes, but one. That way, when I do have to find something, at least I know it will be the one and only folder I have instead of the 4 that have a total of 2 miscellaneous papers in them. (#timesaver; not that I know in the slightest how twitter works…)

The third, and probably one of the hardest resolutions, is to: Save $$$ (if you’re not already a broke college student like the rest of us).

I believe spending money can definitely be avoidable, here is how…

Proposal #3:
Well, there are many solutions to this problem. I suppose you could go full on confessions of a Shopaholic and freeze that little maff’ in a block of ice. However, on the other hand, ice is definitely translucent and that doesn’t quite solve the online shopping problem. Your other options range from having a trusted friend hide it from you in a safe of unknown location or, to simply lose your wallet/purse/pack mule who holds your stuff.

Wish I could give you a better solution, but I’m not too prepared to surrender my plastic either.

In retrospect, if you’re apart of the 38% of Americans who absolutely never make new year's resolutions, I 100% support that decision…. I mean, you don’t really need that crap if you’re perfect (or awesome for that matter). So be yourself, perfect, awesome, or not so much.